My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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