420 ftw
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize