how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
