yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there was a trapeze. enough said
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
