remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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