pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
