she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize