Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh god it's open bar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
