I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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