When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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