I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
