and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
