Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
