the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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