So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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