yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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