He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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