just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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