I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
