I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
