WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize