There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
