Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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