nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
