My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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