do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
