We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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