Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
