I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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