What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
