yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
