He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
