That's intense
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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