You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
