i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
