The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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