I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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