when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
