I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped