# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What's dad's email?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.