I want to have your abortion
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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