the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores