My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.