when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.