Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
