Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
