I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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