There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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