After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
