The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
