I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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