Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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