i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
