True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
