so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize