Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
