Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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