why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
