he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
