As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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