she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
