If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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