Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
