Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
farters have to be the big spoon...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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